overwhelmed

I have gained quite the collection of fabric over the years, especially since I worked at a quilt store for a number of years. Well it is truly OUT OF CONTROL! When we closed the store I brought a bunch of fabric home which made my collection even M O R E..... Some for me and A LOT for my boss; for the following: 1) because I still have a bunch of quilts that I am sewing for her and they need backs and pillows and cases - and 2) Her husband said that she couldn't bring anymore fabric home -- she had enough! YA RIGHT!?!?!

Well anyways, I tend to hang onto my scraps -- to a degree,-- that they seem to have multiplied like @*%# BUNNIES! I paid good money for all of my fabric and worked even harder for it. The price keeps going up and up and up -- almost 10$ or more a yard now for good quality fabric. Yes I have become a fabric snob! I won't be able to buy new unless Wayne wins the lotto, so I hang onto my fabric. It is bordering on hoarders. I look at it as I have a 2 year supply for E V E R Y O N E in my family! hahaha However, I can't find anything to finish my PHD's because the rest of the fabric is buried at the bottom of the pile. uuggghhh.....

And lets be serious, I have more than enough tops then what my kids will like to last their grandchildren a lifetime.

On one hand, I can't throw those usable pieces away -- look at all of the beautiful scrap quilts that get made and were made back in my grandparents and greats day. But, on the other hand, I have a real serious issue in making scrappy quilts! I don't know what it is -- it is truly hard for me???? And on the other hand, I could clear out a fair amount of space if I got rid of them. But on the other hand -- price per yard..... And on the other hand, I have P L E N T Y of kits and groupings of fabric to last me a good 5 lifetimes or more. But,...............see vicious cycle.

I have given a very few limited quilts as gifts, and let me tell you, for me, it isn't easy. There is atleast one that I wish that I could reposes and a few that are still on the fence. There is even one that I made but never gave to the people, because HE turned into a #1 A class JERK! They aren't a cheap easy gift. They are an expensive timely heirloom gift, to be used and loved -- not thrown in the corner for the dogs to lay on and chew, or to be thrown on the garage floor to set the greasy engine block on while you are rebuilding you vehicle -- and yes these things have happened but fortunately not to me.

I have sold a few and have made a few for customers. Well let me tell you my issues with these. I live in UT where ALOT of people make their own. Alot of us have a "I can make that myself for a whole lot cheaper" attitude and mentality. So in essence, no one around here, unless they have money and don't sew, won't pay me what I am worth. I would have to try to sell my quilts out of state -- which with the internet, shouldn't be to hard -- if you are computer knowledgeable which isn't me. Also, after you/I spend so much money on fabric and time to make the quilt, get it quilted and then bind it, it is really tough to want to sell them. Alot of them, there are stories involved with them -- the memories, struggles, retreats, classes, new pattern or procedures, class demonstrations, friendships, THERAPY that are involved, and for me that is hard to want to let go of. I will admit, I have some that aren't my favorite and I could let them go in a heart beat -- if it weren't for those bloomin stories! Some day.......

So back to my scraps, in trying to get some of my PHD's done, I have made a big mess in trying to find the scraps at the bottom of the pile, 3 piles back to finish the top. In doing so I get seriously side tracked! I end up making a bigger mess in trying to tame my mess. You should have seen me going through the bags and boxes -- do I really need to keep something this small? At about 3 in the morning I had gotten rid of as in thrown away 2 small garbage cans full of junk as in non usable scraps that I had been hanging onto! WHY?? I truly don't know, but they are gone now! and what a nice feeling that is. In the middle of all of this, I am moving piles of yardage from one side to the other and back again trying to make sense of it all -- this is still in the works, can't put that away yet, or, this goes with that other fabric, better keep it out so that I remember, or sheesh, there is enough leftovers I could make a whole nother quilt with it, or I start thinking this would be really cute made up in this pattern - lets see if I have enough to make it? and sew on and sew on.....some SERIOUS SIDETRACKING GOING ON! I don't want to, well I DO want to make new projects because they are a lot more fun and alot of the fabric is easier to get to, BUT I am trying and needing to finish the older ones. sigh............ I know that IF I can ever get a handle on my scraps and learn to make SCRAP quilts, life will be easier...or atleast in my sewing floor. Oh seriously, who am I kiddin????????

So I guess, back to the madness!!!!!!!

Trials and WHINING!!

Just a note of warning -- whining is going to happen.

Today I took Kylees xrays with me to my local back quack to have a consult and an adjustment. The consult was first. He looks at the xrays, and tells me this isn't good, it has definetly gotten worse. I can help here and here, but here I can't do anything to help this area. This will need a specialist and more than likely surgery. LOVELY! As of this evening, I still haven't heard from her doc. Her xray was taken 2 weeks ago! Frustrating to say the least.

Understandably I am bummed.

For quite a while now, my eldest son has been on my mind - more than normal. I went to the store where he works in the deli to see him. Unfortunately he wasn't there. His recent current exgirlfriend was working. She is highly concerned about Andy. WHY?? "He's really depressed and I am really worried at what he might do!" Yeah thats comforting news every mother wants to hear. I don't know how to help him nor would he accept anything from me.

So HIGHLY emotional at the moment.

K Lord, I need a break from all of these trials you think I can handle. Not doing such a good job at the moment. I am so selfish at times. My trials aren't as bad as others, but are worse then some. I shouldn't complain and normally I don't. I am just throwing a pity party for one at the moment -- or until I can get the emotions back undercontrol. I just would like to know what to do and how to handle EVERY LITTLE BIT! Will be adding my car to my prayers, that it will last for a lot longer, especially since we will be needing to go up to Primarys and that Wayne will stay healthy enough to be able to work, that his bloomin truck will stop breaking down and stop costing us income. Why is it when theres light at the end of the financial tunnel a cave in always, always happen in some form or another? And it's not even the holiday season yet! We are starting early this year.

sigh................
enough is enough!